Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I am spending my child support on dildos
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
