he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
