there's paper in my vomit.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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