getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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