i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
