I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
