i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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