I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I deserve this hangover.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
