Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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