It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
