Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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