I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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