just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
