i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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