people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
