omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
