We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
