We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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