kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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