so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm sobbing to NWA
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize