I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
