i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
