If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
