I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
