I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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