sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
