I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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