so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
mondays should just be called national damage control day
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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