Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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