Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
