so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
