At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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