no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
