just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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