Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
