If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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