The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
