Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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