I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
