The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
