Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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