pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
