My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
