Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
