i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
