she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
