my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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