also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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