My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I am naked and annoyed.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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