Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
