Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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