i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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