good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
