actually, I'm a sock model
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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