we have officially lost it.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
sarcasm needs its own font
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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