I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
