Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
