You're my little dorito
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
