big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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