I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
