Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize