worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
