What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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