My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
