im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
