Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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