Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize