May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
