she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
