I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
